The Soulful Atom

Update (25/09/2019)- The site is no longer functional and my ties have been severed too.

What is this Waari? Most of you non-Marathi folks might have this question. It is a holy pilgrimage. I would like to invite you to check out www.panoramaartstudio.com to get some answers. If not interested in the holy side of things, you can definitely check it out for the photos! Well that is our original aim.. The photography exhibition was held by Panorama Art Studio aided by Real Minds as a prelude to their drama shows in July. The exhibition was held to provide a platform for the budding talent that the city holds as well as to bring the traditions and culture of the city closer to its people through this medium.. I won't say any more.. You better check the website.. ;)
Any feedback can be mailed to : info@panoramaartstudio.com

Have fun!! :)

The rain will never mean anything or anyone else again. I always knew it and used to be happy about it, cause i never pictured it this way. It was always a happy ending for us. My rain and me. There was never to be anything else! There was no other possibility. Just togetherness. Living young and growing old together. Thats what it was, possibly even is. The city is alive with us just like it was many months back.. Through all the pain, all the fear, all the unknowns.. The rain is us.. No matter who gets drenched. The atom is herself deep under the layers of novelty, and just pouring from the eyes.. The eyes never lie and they never will.

Some words of a dear one HERE made me think, needless to say, about a very recent wound.. Which i know will not heal as quickly as i would hope it to, and hence needs to be covered up as much as possible. But such words just very cruelly rip off the band-aid and leave me unmentionably breathless and choked up with tears. Tears and pain for him who lost his love to death. And me for i lost someone to pain. What would i not do to unite those two lovers. I wish beyond my being to be able to do something to help him. To help the guy i am begining to spend me life with to meet his lover. I would give my life to bring her back. Life in return of a life. Its such a depressingly helpless feeling. When there was a time i was willing to give my life to be with the one i loved beyong anyone else and i was brushed aside time and again. What is this destiny? When two people who are capable of loving with such intensity are stuck with each other, away from the ones they once truly loved? Will anyone ever understand your action or you, when you decided to voluntarily walk away? When you know you are not capable of cutting people off, when you are capable of forgiving and giving other chances no matter how it batters your heart to do so. When you know you loved truly and purely with your whole being.
Maybe this is what i was meant to have. But he had it already so it doesn't help but makes me feel more criminal that i have him now. Its beautifully painful. She will always be in his heart and i will protect her place there with all my might. I love her as much now.. For she gave him that pure joy once that i too gave away to someone else. I'm glad he had her. Wish we had met sooner. Before all the damage was done to both. Thinking back maybe that is what brought us together. We are levelled. Eclipsed by life. But the sun will come out. Slowly. It can't stay hidden.

Here's to you both.. You are always in our hearts. Protected by each other. She is by me and he is by him. We love you. Alive or dead. "Always" like we promised.

The trees r quiet today.. They r quiet this time around..
They know he's taking time n dnt want to scare him off..
He's coming slowly taking his time..
Quietly..
Subdued
As his anger fumes..
She knows too.. But she did what needed doing..
She knows he will understand..
Love never changes, let alone die..
The tree stand serenely sadly hopefully.. Heads hung low.. Not moving a leaf and he drizzles a bit here n there.
He wants to pour.. rampantly to kingdom come..
He wants to vent... To take her with all he has..
But he won't n it kills him..
Eventually he will pour.. Coz he owes her that.. He's late this time..
His heart is not in it..
Have they drifted apart?
Can they?
The eternal lovers...
Their calling has linked them across ages. Across births..
They will stay.. Forever..
He is her's n she his.. :)
Rain n earth forever together.. Whether they want it or not. Their spirits r meshed together.. Even if he decides not to pour..
Even if she decides not to let him in..
They stay..

I want to see the silver of street lamp poles against a grey blue sky filled up, to the brim, with rains dying to crash..
I want it to rain all over me and inside me..
Its been so long..
And its a life long siesta now..
For now- he shall only see me and maybe try to touch..
But he shall never drench me inside..
My lover snatch form me.. by me..
My rain.. Will the rain feel the same again, ever?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i2wmKcBm4Ik

If only.. Memories.. Anyhow..

I laugh aloud almost as i write this! haha.. in the words of someone once very important in like "irrcorrigible" not sure i spelled that right. Anyhow. It all seems soooo strange and lovely and painful and beautiful and peaceful at the same time! As usual mixed emotions and mood swings never leave me.. i don't think they ever will, and i love it too (at times). Back to the post.. hehe.. Looking back.. Life has changed soooo much in the past 8 months.. I could've never imagined! Never imagined that something normal could happen for me and that it could bring happiness.. Of all the things i wanted this would also happen for me.. It is beautiful yes and normal..
I questioned myself a few times is this me? I'm not this.. Rather i wasn't this.. and perhaps a part of me never will be.. That crazy part of me is still alive.. a bit confined now, i guess with age and the need for stability it had to be.. But it is alive and thriving..
Normal was never my genre.. and glad to re-discover this about myself.. :) *YAY*
But stepped down i have. Saw and experienced the joy in stability and knowing that when i wake up tomorrow that fear is not going to be around. Its not going to be around any day i wake up. The fear of loss. The fear i grappled with every day, almost every moment for more than 3 years.. It ate into my flesh and left marks.. It went bad the wound filled with pus.. The pain became numb and the numbness also hurt!
It was so much that i had to cut it off before i could stand back and take a good look at what my life had come to.
The wounds are healing slowly.. It will take time.. It was too deep.. A part of my very soul.. And it shall stay that way.. but the wounds will heal eventually.. Life has taken a turn for the better. Or so they will say.. Them normal people. And it does seem peaceful here.
Last year this time I would've never imagined all these things. When you give life a chance she surprises you beyond your dreams.. The joys of having so many people around who love you and are there for you without any personal or social restrictions and holdbacks. When you can just be yourself with them and in front of the whole wide world, and specially when they have no issues with it.. Its beautiful and more than that its peaceful.. Peace, something i craved for. Fighting nightmares and swollen eyes almost on a daily basis for a large part of past 4 years. For someone having craved for a tiny ray of hope of belief everyday and getting only pain and hopelessness, this is heaven..
So peeking back the year hasn't been the worse i had feared.. Its been better.. When you find love while being the deepest corner of dispair.. And when that love itself holds on and brings you out, thats something! :) The past shall be with me in a pleasant way.. You can never cut out love even when its bearers are no longer with you the way they used to be. Be thats all the place they get. A tiny corner tucked away safely. The time is missed.. a lot of things are.. But its time for something that i deserved a long time back. Peace, love, care, consideration, and priority. What else could i have asked for! :) *YAY* :D So peeking back makes me look ahead more.. and look forward to the present and future! Cheers!

BP- HUH? are you looking forward to the past or looking behind to the future?
yo makin me crazy gurrrll
CP- Shush! *frown* quiet now.
BP- OH yeaaaah as if you understand it no? big brains! :P yaaabbaaa daaabbaaa doooo :P :D *crazy dance*
CP- *straight face* haha! *LOL* :D :) i love you BO no matter what!
BP- yeah i believe you! :* muaaah!!
CP - *Smile affectionately*
BP - *blink stupidly*

I love you both!! HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! *YAY*

CP- *YAY*
BP- *still blinkly with a stupid grin*
CP- BPPPPP!!!
BP- oh *YAY* haha.. yeah whatever *dancing away*

oh man this can go on and on!!!!! see ya! :P :D ;) muaaaaaaaaaah!!