The Soulful Atom

Been thinking too much.. and yes it has to be too much if i feel it is so!! :S
Need a break.. from myself.. So the simplest solution i see, turn to things i used to do like ages ago, indulge in books.. simple ones.. light romances.. that was the world i lived in, its about time to go back.. feels as if i've traveled too far in too short a span of time.. its scary.. its intimidating and i cannot handle it.. i don't need a change, i need to change.. a lot of things.. guess sometimes when a lot of things changes in a short time it has adverse effects on many things.. i let it happen to me and lost many things.. many important people.. and now feels like i'm losing myself.. but i know i can hold on. its about time to grab as tightly as i can, without causing any more damage.. just praying it works out.. i hope.. so many things to do and i feel helpless and stuck.. another solution is cut the thought process completely.. the long trailing thoughts n threads are the reason behind most of my troubles and pain.. gotta start taking things at face value.. and generally take things lightly.. hope it works!! :)

I know you!
So simple to say, so easy to understand..
And yet I'm blinded now..
You acted like someone i did not really know..
Or maybe i did..
But I'm blinded now..
I know you so well..
And you know it too..
Yet you blind folded me by your acts..
But i know you still..
i will know you always..
you cannot hide behind fake indifference..
You never could, not from me..
I know you, as far as any person can be known..
Rest all changes as every moment passes..
But i know the essence of you..
I know you!

Are we strong enough to not break them?
But patient enough to change them?
Are we ready to bear the pain
Which accompanys such enormous patience?
If not then its just us with nothing of our own..
All loaned from them..
For the few brave hearts who do dare to soar and dream apart from what the rules dictate..

Every hero has a tragedy
Every tragedy is an opportunity for a hero to be born..

After all that the past year was, everything that it gave me suddenly and everything that it took away just as suddenly, it seems now, today in this moment, that life is back on the track that i'd deviated from.. It the same evening, almost the same feeling that was around 7 months ago, when i newly joined office.. when i was getting to know people around.. when i'd just one buoy that i held on to.. though now people around seem alright, and perphaps they find me to be ok too.. if the ignore the sudden changes in hair styles etc.. hehe.. but yes, right now it feels like i'm back to square one.. After all the excitement, crushed dreams.. i think this is my way to follow.. but hang on, i remember i'd said the same about some other path too!! maybe the are intertwined then? wish i could know.. but contradictorily i feel musch surer than i ever was!! god knows how confusion and certainty live hand in hand peacefully like this.. But feel really contemplative now, more like an external person observing my own life over the past few months..
I knew i had deviated. so badly at that. I fell for something that was never on my mind, not in the wildest of my dreams. I believed, still do somewhere.. Perhaps will continue to believe in whatever i had.. But i need to let go.. of so many things.. so many of my freshly budding dreams.. i realised that you do deviate at times, its good to get lost sometime.. enjoy the ride, but when you are thrown back t othe path that you are meant to follow, you should be able to let go of the deviation.. holding on to it will not bring it back.. But yes you can always believe, that it will come back.. and who knows maybe some day it will.. :)

But for now, surely feels like the old days.. strange, i'd hoped for the circles to stop.. but seems like they will go on.. as nature intends.. completely nature's child it seems.. :) back on track it is then?

Feels as if i'm losing touch..
And yet here they come..
in all their glory..
vanishing in thin air..
:) feels like im losing touch..

Thought i would write an exceptional post about the year that was.. About so many things that happened, in every facet of my life.. But there are no words that can do justice to what this year has been.. It has been everything.. and nothing.. and being nothing, it has been everything.. :)
Just a huge heap of nostalgia on my heart and mind.. probably will spend the last moments of the year re-living it... It has been heavily distinct in its features and all that it has given me, taken away from me, made me feel.. everything has been very different than usual, and different than the normal different too..
I lost myself completely, lost friendship, lost the love that i wanted and had.. gained some of it back again.. learned a lot of lessons, yes there was a lot of learning.. Understanding that i cannot avoid the painful process of growing up.. Though i thought i was not afraid of it, i surely am not comfortable with it.. Growing up and all that it entails, including patience and a lot of waiting.. I understood that i am growing up, and growing as a person, towards being a better one.. I understood that this pain is the thing that has kept me alive, and that helps me grow.. Cause the metal has to go through fire that the diamond has to bear pain to become what they are really meant to be.. to unleash the potential within..
This year was one of its kind.. A turning point in many facets of my life.. A major mile stone in discovering myself, or atleast i gained some mileage in the process of discovering.. There is so much to talk about, though i've written about everything all through the year.. This time, the circle has been opened.. And hopefully it will not close again for me.. Let history be it, and be at peace.. I've found a way to go, and i've decided to stick to the path, atleast a little longer than what i usually would, and here lays the difference of past and present, the future anyway remains elusive.. :)
But the strongest feeling is that of nostalgia.. and then the excitement of walking on the chosen path.. into the new year!

Happy New Year all!! :) Hope you have a fulfilling peaceful year ahead.. have a blast.. and keep rocking.. remember, what you want lays within you.. reach within yourself and reach out to them outside.. :) cheers!!