The Soulful Atom

Good bye my darling my love.. my companion..
Farewell.. you shall forever be within me..
But i have to let go now.. its time to part..
For im dead within.. maybe someday our paths will cross..
Maybe they won't.. good bye my dear.. my darling blog..
Goodbye CP and BP and good bye my little atom..
I silence you cruelly..
Forgive my sins..
I love you.. but i have to say goodbye..

I love you BP and CP!! :* just re-read my first post ever and fell in love all over again! :D
I love myself.. no matter how much people try to make me hate myself i still adamantly stubbornly keep falling in love over n over again.
I'm my own hero, my own prince charming n my own savior.. my guarding angel must be lying somewhere in a hangover so i'm my own guardian angel too!! :D
I love myself, i love CP and BP.. and in loving these i love those i love much more.. :)
It is difficult to understand my perspectives about a variety of things, so i've come to understand. Some people understand some of them and then not the others.. and some people don't understand anything altogether!
I believe that if one can't love oneself one is not capable of loving anyone else.. and then all these so called declarations of love are untrue.. Sacrifice is never really a sacrifice it is the capability to love oneself so much that the immediate goal is rejected for something bigger for oneself.. Its never for others it always for oneself..
Anyhow lets not digress from the main topic into some "crappy" philosophy of mine ;)

Its great being in love.. specially in love with oneself! I love you :)

CP- no work? wish you would give me some work atleast!
BP- YAYAYAYAYAYAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!! partahhhyyiiii..... baby.. ilu ilu ilu ilu toooooooo three much much.. :D :*

*CP rolling eyes* *BP kissing her away* :D
I love these two they are so cute!! muaaaaaaaaaah guys thanks for making my day!!!

A fairly feeble attempt at story writing. Inspired from my own life of course. ;) I need a lot of improvement in this form of writing. So all suggestions, criticism are welcome!


It was a lonely train platform on a dark wet rainy night.. The angry intense wind had toned down to a gentle cool breeze, basking in the after glow of the crazy love making all evening.. The tea boy carrying his tin container turned towards me after the last train left.. "One last tea Saheb before i retire for the day?", "I will stay if u want me to though my family will understand.." He adds with a sly grin. With a small smile i gesture him to sit, he makes to sit on the ground but i ask him to sit besides me on the wet bench. I didn't believe in such differentiation. And after all there was not much difference between me n him.. In fact he was much better off.. Happy.. Doing what he wanted.. A family who "understood".. I wondered since when that had become a privilege?! But the answer eluded me.. Like it always had..
The boy sensed something n tried to distract me by pouring tea as noisily as possible in the plastic cup.. I gazed at him as he looked into the distance as far as the rail track took him.. He was happy, i could sense that.. Satisfied atleast..
Then he looked at me.. "Its not about what you have in life right now or what you want or deserve.. its about what you are willing to have.. What you are allowing yourself to have.." His eyes twinkled as yet another toothy smile appeared there.. The warmth of the tea reached out at the same time from the plastic cup.. Making me jump and him laugh.. I grinned back.. After as if an eternity it felt nice on my face, a genuine happy smile.. And then there was silence.... This silence didn't feel labored, tortured like all the silences after all those arguments, after those evil headache from feeling incapable of making any human understand.. Those pained forceful silences with the woman who loved him.. This silence was empowering.. He had done what he had to.. But he had not allow himself to accept it till now.. To accept himself.. Thinking he was evil.. Thinking he didn't deserve it.. But this little kid, in the wisdom all of 12 years made him see the light.. The sullen depression and weight of an answer lightened and then disappeared completely.. For he had accepted himself and his own happiness.. He couldn't wait for the journey to begin.. The same one which he was dreading even when all signs were there.. The rain the biggest of them all.. People cursed it.. Right in the middle of February.. He had chosen to ignore it.. After all those years of relentless efforts the day was finally there and now he knew..
The boy had dozed off, curled up besides him like a big cat.. He had indeed stayed back! I pushed a 50 rupee note gently in his pocket just as a light ting of dawn was visible beyond the horizon.. It was time.. She was waiting.. Like she said she was going to.. And he was ready.. Forgiven, accepted, unbound, understood.. The boy woke with the first drops of drizzle of the day.. As the train approached in all her glory smoke and horn n all.. One last thought crossed my smiling heart.. The healing remained but there was time.. This healing had to happen together.. The boy smiled as be waved a groggy eyed goodbye as I looked at him from the door.. I thanked him.. "Believe saheb.. Believe!!".. And we rushed away into the waiting morning. I never saw the boy again.. We came to the station once years later but he wasn't around.. I asked the station master as a last ditch attempt and got to know he left on a train one day and came back only to take his family along, they were never seen again.. So there was a family and they did understand. Then he took out a fairly battered note and handed it to me.. It said "Believe saheb.. Thank you for making me believe.." The station master smiled too..

The rain comes calling and people wonder why!
Some scared some angry.. They blame it on global warming..
In your eyes i see and in mine do you..
That one drop which fell in your eye said all there was to have said..
The rain soaks through the skin of your eye..
And you close it shut not being able to bear the purity..
Open you eyes and look at the beauty.. The rain brings you the truth..
The rain brings us the truth..
Some call it untimely, and some unnatural..
But it is the truth like the sky and the stars, like the earth that moves unknowingly beneath our feet :)
In your eyes the truth floats waiting..
Constant like the universe..
Constant like you and me..
Stead and still- For now..

--The prawn (re-born, or perhaps never dead) :)

The sky remains and so do the stars..
The clouds cover the blue from time to time..
But the skies are there behind all the covers and all the lies..
You cover your eyes, you close them up so that you can't see the sun..
So that the rain doesn't touch the skin of your soul..
But its there raining hard.. raining itself out on its beloved earth..
One day the lies will break..
One day your eyes will open..
One day the sky will prove its existence..
And then it will be beautiful..
The change that you await is right here,
The moment you let go of the lies!!
Open your eyes to beauty and truth..
A whole new world.. Change, beyond d lies..

A trance green and yellow..
The color of pus..
When a wound is not tended to and let rot
Unreal.. Painless.. A fish like stink..
To be healed by the one who inflicted..
The pus passed over by the infected hand..
A trance breaking a vicious circle..
The pus gloating over the wound..
As the sun pierces through..
Years and years of accumulation
Dry decayed coming back to life..
A trance.. To let go..
To wake up.. To heal..

Excuses are always there. We do something we want there is an excuse. We do something we don't want there is an excuse.
We do something unknowingly there is an excuse, we do something that is something we know we shouldn't do there is an excuse.. and when all other excuses fail there is the ultimate excuse-- I'm only human! Being human excuses us from everything.. Its the ultimate weapon of excuses. And even after this if someone gives you an excuse for not doing something they want, then its time to stick it up their behind! ;)

After all I'm only human! ;)

BP- :| No i'm BP!
CP- and I'm CP :|