The Soulful Atom

Indications:
1) Pre-occupation
2) Listlessness
3) Random smiles
4) Laughing alone in the middle of a certain tedious task at work
5) LOT of thinking over nothing in particular
6) Passing by certain places (unknowingly and at times purposely) reminding of
certain happenings
7) More smiles
8) Restlessness
9) Heightened impatience
10) Relief at specific happenings (seeing a green dot somewhere or a pending message)
11) Being at a loss of reasons
12) Strange butterflies in the stomach
13) Re-living the same by just thinking about it
14) Heaps of confusion
15) A lot of first times
16) Desire to get to the root of it and yet enjoying every moment of it..
17) Missing? and trying not to
18) Waking up at odd hours
19) And so on...

Any guess about the malady? If yes then the remedy too please!!

Changes.. A lot of them..

The strange veg starter on my plate which no one else seems to like..
The pulchritudinous clouds promising to drench me with memories..
The oddly aged couple by me side..
The opening and closing of my eyes..
and the ticking of the digital clock..
The realization that the weekend has come to an end..
And so has the possibility of calmly spending time with your memories..
What comes next might prove to be a torture of sorts..
I hope not though, hope it shall be as calm as the weekend has been though devoid of your sight..
The memories linger, never leave my side..
Not many in number and therefore, perhaps, so special..
The heart doing a back-flip at the sight of a new mail in the box..
The pseudo smell of paper..
The loss of words but the intense desire to out something in words..
And then leaving empty space.. Which seems to have become a routine..
The missing and still not missing part seems entirely new however..
So words flow out randomly, even entangled making no sense..
But the come out perhaps for a reason.. :)
No rhyme but yes a reason..

- The puppet? The Super Bitch? or shall it be the Unnamed?

CP: Hmm.. we need to stuff some sense into you..

BP: Let it flow.. flow flow flow away daharling!! :D **rhyme rhyme rhyme who needs a rhyme, not me in the least, i don't need a rhyme, a reason will do just fine, (as long as its sprinkled with some chocolate or a beer with a lemon) ;)**

A few things left unsaid here..
And a few thoughts left tangled there...

Sentences freeze midway..
Not wanting to let words soil the freshly sprouting emotions..

Time stops and silence engulfs the flurry of words wanting to be heard..
But the eyes overpower the ears and the tongue..

They can speak and they can listen..
They understand a language which only they can create..
They smile, they crave, they protect, they live a different life, a different world..
No one else shall know of the mystery..

The heavens conspire, plan a play with us as puppets..
the rain drops and the wind, the moonlight and the leaves play their part..

The whole world seems to melt away..
It brings back memories a time not known..
Perhaps in some other life..
Perhaps when there was no life, no time..

Something hits and doesn't even give time to see what it is..
It take everything with it,
Leaving the mouth hanging open at the beauty of it..

And then.. things which seemed so important a while ago
Now lay unnoticed at the bottom of the pile..

The feeling desire to entangle..
and parallelly they surrender to the all-knowing silence..

Silences never held so much meaning before..
The seem like a new language which never manifested itself..

Its a whole new world..
Where everything is irrelevant, unsaid, incomplete..
And yet it never seemed more relevant, understood and complete..

-The Unnamed :)

Some of this was jotted down almost a year back.. But it got lost in my old cell phone.. Found it now so thought of putting it on.. The questions however are a latest addition.. Might even be irrelevant..

On your way back home from work. tired and drained, with that tedious pending report on your mind, the heap of household chores awaiting your attention over the weekend.. Do you notice the couple passing by on a rusty old bike.. Carefree, engrossed in a lively conversation punctuated with laughter and surrounded by a surreal glow.. Unaware of the whole world around them.. The worry that haunt other people into sleepless nights.. Does it wipe off all the worries in the world and slap you in the face with the loneliness that anchors in your heart? Does it take you back to your apartment, weaved of dreams now covered with a thin layer of dust and moss of work and survival worries and the fact that there is no one around.. Or maybe someone who is there just for the heck of it.. Maybe someone who used to lighten up your world by just being there.. Is it a game that time and life play with each other.. Tossing us around as pawns? How many times in life do you see that one stranger and feel a shiver go down the spine? How many times do we make the effort to reach out? Do go back and think about it again? Why not? Why do we let ourselves get comfortable with pain, or with things which do not have the magic left in them.. Do we let the magic die? Do we even try to bring it back..Why are we afraid of change? When unknowingly everything around us is changing.. and everything within us too!! We fail to notice the small changes and then when the full fact hits us we think how and when the hell did this happen!! It happened when we were so engrossed in taking care that things don't change, wen we left comfortable in the same old cake which has lost its taste, and the champagne which has grown weak n warm..


Seems very incomplete but then there are many things that sound better left incomplete..

You can never have the last drop of beer in the tin how much ever you try..
You can never get to peak out of a glass to a certain degree how much ever you try..

You can never get your mom to believe that you were out with only your friends how much ever you try..

You can never make yourself believe that the first kiss really didn't matter..
You can never make others believe that you aren't drunk..

Can never make someone understand your feelings for them..
Can never understand other's feelings for you..

You can put it all in words..
But it is never understood..

It never goes the way you want..
Only things which you can only imagine happen..
Like the sudden rain when you are together..

And the water sliding down the glass..
Making dear patterns as it goes down to meet the earth..
The watercolored street light and the greenest leaves shading it,
So that you can still be in your strange world till as long as you please..

The known and still unexpected feelings flow by not wanting to end ever..
But time being in such a hurry flies by and you don't even notice..

Wishing for some more time..
Longer is never enough..

The rain is the witness..
The watercolored patterns shall always be remembered..

The waiting is too long..
Wish it had been sooner..

Sooner in life..
If only..
The world melts away at if only..

It re-surfaces, raises its ugly head..
Grey and dirty..
Full of tiny gooey tentacles which grow larger with every passing minute..

Threatening to engulf every happy moment,
It poisons every seed of joy that you sowed..

It dis-integrates every strand of hope that your heart witnessed..
And then it crushes each of the tiny pieces,
Till their screams echo in its ears forever..

The mouth so grotesque smelling of a hundred rotting smiles..
The ghosts of past hopes shine eerily through its eyes..

It creeps all over, inside and out..
Its lusty feet, hands and tongue sucking all the thoughts but one out..
It plants the seeds of despair and hatred..

I open my eyes, i strain my ears..
But all i see is lies, and all i hear is fake..

It cajoles me, and lures me into its depths..
And then.....
I can trust no more..