The Soulful Atom

"Everyone is sad, if you can just watch. Everyone tries to find their little corner of paradise. Help each other. Let’s make life and the world a little better. Let us be gentle with the hearts and the souls. If anything they are the ones who need the kindness. We are all bruised." I wrote this one in French waiting for a metro in Paris, slightly tipsy from some wine/beer I can't remember. I can’t remember where we were going either but I do remember seeing people around me, and for me people everywhere look the same. They have the same look in their eyes. Everyone is waiting for acknowledgement or acceptance and yet they don’t want to be obvious about it. Maybe they are shrouded by assumption and conditioning of not letting their weaknesses/desires show. And for good measure too. Not everyone is kind, sadly, even though our souls know the truth, the unkind ones are also under illusions or conditioning which leads them to be unkind. Most of the times they are the ones who have never seen kindness offered to them in life. They are probably the ones needing it the most. The more I travel, the more people I meet or see, the more this belief gets stronger: we are all the same, give and take a few traits.

I’m struggling so much conditioning and pressure of social constructs right now in life and I cannot imagine what people must be going through. I think i can now look at an emotion and recognize the root of it. But the people who don’t recognize these things, and those who aren’t strong enough to fight these things, I wonder what they must be feeling. Maybe nothing? Cause they go with the flow, thinking that's what they are meant to do or that its the right thing to do. Its always easier isn’t it. To fit-in in the already molded life. Everyone knows the ropes, help is at hand even if they go to any new place with new people. Everyone will know how to handle pre-set social constructs. For people like me, it’s a thin line, specially at the stage that I’m at. A very thin line of falling over. If the pain gets overwhelming people will choose to escape. This is where your strength, your person, your respect for your individuality comes into picture. When I argue about this, people tell me this is what they wanted to be a part of pre-set notions. But how do you know? You haven’t tried or even given anything else a thought, let alone a chance. You have always been afraid! Yes it’s a gamble to go on the path less traveled, but isn’t it worth it? To be your own person, to not be a slave to anything whatsoever? If nothing else you will atleast have made an informed choice.. Some people behave as if they have no choice. Even i have some times. But thats not the case. We always have a choice.

So, I got a new bike last year. A proper bike with gears and the works. It has been my dream since I was in college, rather it was budding since I was in school and hormones had started coming on. I’ve been riding a moped, a 110 CC non-geared model since 12 years. But hen right before i turned 30th i had this brainwave and decided I have to get a bike before i turned 30th, and I got this one right one day before my 30th birthday! This is a 200cc, 23 bhp and all that, which is basically a big jump from the approx. 8 bph baby I had. This was my first ever time to properly be able to use a bike, navigate city traffic etc, it felt a bit daunting to do something like this at the age of 30 when you are mostly all set in your ways including the way your muscles function! But it was thrilling nonetheless. Then I realised that no matter how much I felt like revving it up and bursting full throttle I was a wee bit scared of losing it. Its easy to let thrill and adrenaline let you get carried away. But then I got wiser.
One day I was riding my new baby back home from work, the road wasn’t too crowded and I was cruising at a standard speed. Then this moped overtakes me riding zigzag full speed, for a minute I thought they would just slip and crash but thankfully they didn’t. I’m usually very easily indulge in road-rage and I ride my non-geared baby like crazy (maybe even just like those people who overtook me) however, in that moment there, I was not tempted one bit. I knew I could’ve easily overtook them in a display of domination which I used to do as a kid with a new bike. But somehow I didn’t feel the need for it. It was as if having a bike with higher power and knowing its power, was enough. I didn’t need to display it. It was for me to indulge in when I wanted to, not when I was provoked. I think the same goes with age. As you age or “gain numbers”, you do become wiser (of course if you let the experiences and knowledge seep in and make something of it). Cause for most of the things, you’ve been there done that. You will still have that old you with you, the carefree one, lesser responsibilities (read power) but you will now know what greater responsibilities do if not handled correctly. Its interesting to dabble in power and realise the responsibility it brings on your own. I wonder how is it that people get so drunk on power to ruin everything for themselves and/or others. For me, having that power is good enough, the show of power is unnecessary, unless required.