The Soulful Atom

Soulful, the word itself sounds peaceful and calming and in control doesn't it? Atleast for me it does. As you must've noticed I've changed the blog name and link as well, so an explanation is in order. Also to mark this day as the beginning of transformation. I started The Unstable Atom back in 2008. It was a child of some tough times I was going through and I wanted to make a point. This journey of unstable to soulful hasn't been a long one, or maybe it has. Though the realization is a fairly recent one. After 11 odd years here I am at the cusp of something new again. And this new isn't external as it was back then, this is something completely internal to me. And though many times before I've said I will change or I need to change, its not happened until today that i've taken a stand so as to even change my online identity. The impressions i have made on people in real life will take time to change. Of course even i can't claim to have changed completely, but the transition has started. So for people to understand it, its going to take quite some time, specially since most are judgmental and end up making fixed images of others n their minds. For example, earlier i used to be worried and used to have a frown on my face and people used to ask me why i look worried. Now i do have a frown on my face or have a straight face most times but thats cause I'm deeply engrossed in some thought and i generally have a straight face. but people still ask me why I'm worried. I guess it will take time.
The journey was long due, but what really sprouted it was a very specific incident that made me realise i might end up losing someone or even if not that person maybe someone else dear to me down the line. It jolted me to reality of my actions that people around me used to brush under the carpet. I used to think they understand me, and definitely they do, but this cycle of being unstable and then understood ended up being toxic for me cause i used to think its ok to be this way. But this one incident made me realise its not ok! And that i have to change.
They say a person who loves you accepts you as you are. But thats not necessarily true. A person who truly loves you will make sure you become better.

However I've strayed. I would probably post some more details about this journey later but it is a journey i take on a daily basis. Changing my online identity is one of the many steps towards a better and soulful me. :)
I hope you will still be by me on this one. Don't worry the fun and madness will still remain.. ;) we will have fun still...

BP and CP are alive and well :D BP is thrilled and CP seems to be saying something vaguely to the tune of "i told you so" i've no idea why! but I've a feel that both BP and CP know this path better than me.. and i'm glad! :)

He sat at the bar. Moustache and all, white as snow, fluffy as a rabbit. He sat sipping a draught beer, peering at the menu. Suddenly riddled by a bout of sneezes, his typical roof-shattering sneezes. He then switched his attention to the phone, trying to figure out the contraption through his glasses, that he had to put on since a few years now. He had never thought he would ever be a victim of these, but she always knew. She teased him by fantasizing about how he would look wearing them, and how he would squint when he had to read something without wearing them.

She watched him quietly, from a table full of lively friends, a bit too lively at the moment. She wondered if he would notice her too. He seemed to occupied in his phone as she stared at him hard, willing him to look up. Her eyes bore into his balding head (as it always was), she never knew why he bothered growing the scant hair. She liked him bald. She’d like him any way he looked. He put his phone aside without looking up and turned to his beer. Again staring in the distance, as if he could see beyond the panels of the bar. She got irritated. It took her by surprise, she had stopped getting irritated at minor things since a while. But then again this isn’t small, a small voice told her. Running into him here like this. Well they had not technically run into each other yet. She wondered how she should play this out. Or shall she let the heavens decide. Maybe the latter since her way never really worked with him or maybe with anyone. So she shifted her gaze back to her table, where people, by now semi-drunk, were laughing their heads off at some silly joke. She will let the heaves take a call. The small voice smiled, inaudibly, but she knew it smiled. She would wait. Like she had waited all these years, unknowingly.

I’m leaving bits of me around. One day I will be found, sprinkled like stardust, sparkling like diamonds in your memories.