The Soulful Atom

The coldness of the rain water and the warmth of the sun..
The light and the dark, together they make beauty..
Un-expected, Un-timely rain..
Showers of hope intertwined with beauty and laced with fear of the unknown and unseen tomorrow..
Would it be soon as i feel it would?
The worse had arrived and it faded into the past..
The better is still un-arrived to pass..
Foggy silhouettes in the distant..
The rain and the sun make unknown love, un-experienced by any living being.. Showering all with their beauty.. Which they fail to appreciate.. fail to soak in, absorb..
Lost as always, yet knowingly this time.. The search never ends and so doesn't the journey..
Water and heat accompany me.. albeit at strange times and mostly never at the right one.. leading me to where I need to go..
Fear of the next moment and the wait for beauty persist.. Breaking free of the former i continue search for the later, waiting for the veil to be raised..
Waiting for the scare to be washed off, for the fear to be evaporated..
Would it happen soon? As this seemingly innocent phenomenon of the water and heat tells me it would..
They never spoke to me so positively..
However, this time, before opening their words, i knew what it is..
Hoping i'm correct this time too and so are they..
Hoping for the beauty of love and hoping for the fear to be destroyed.. Beauty Love Fear Hope.. or shall we go Hope Fear Love Beauty?? :-)

Struggling with a blunted twang from the past.. A wild bout of rain helped me squeeze into the present, with its shooting noisy rage and passion for meeting the earth. As if she found out he betrayed her and wants to make it up to her..
The cold freshness filled the air with feelings and emotions once long forgotten.. the sensations felt aeons ago in some other lifetime.. sounds and scenes unseen.. Yet the feelings linger.. What feelings are these, when were they felt, with whom and by whom?
The heavy drops of water make me light.. Make me nostalgic.. Take me away to a special place, somewhere long lost to the treacherous, bitter past.. Make me remember something long forgotten.. lost in the threads of time.. something beautiful and full of hurt.. yet i want to remember what it was.. what have i forgotten.. What had touched my heart so deeply and still i tore it away from me???
Why do i fail to remember? The sudden gush of cold wind.. The cool breeze caressing my open hair.. and my tired neck.. The sound of drops falling from leaves on the tin roof.. The chatter of friends, the music pumping from cell phones.. Everything reminds me of it.. But what is it, thats unknown.. All this has never happened before and yet it reminds me of something.. Which i treasured and held close to my heart, my each heartbeat reminds me of it thanks to this weather! Thanks to this time and this place and my being here..
I try to let go, but the feeling clings and it is so lovely.. I've forgotten it cause i wanted to.. I let it go and so I have it no more.. The unseen memory feels like heaven so what must the real thing have been?? Why did i lose it, and why can i not let go now.. Why do we remember things long forgotten, why do we rise the ghosts from their dusty graves and how can these rotten memories be so beautiful and how can this not hurt one bit? How can it soothe me and not make me restless? How can i be at peace in such a situation? How, What, When, Where and Who??

A fable set once upon a time long long back in the future..
She was a mixed fruit jam of tangled and sorted angles, whom everyone admired..
But no one could handle so many tastes in one go,
They all had stomach for only one kind of flavor and so everyone said that the one who will, will be the luckiest guy on earth..
Slowly each one of them got their own, but only after having their small share from her infinite basket of mixed fruits.. Since they didn't have the stomach but indeed had a lusty greedy tongue.
They all cuddled together living the lives of their ancestors,
Living their past every passing moment..
She thought it was nice initially but started realizing that the past isn't for her..
So she broke free from the warm cozy circle and rushed past all..
Passionate fire in heart, eyes lit in rapture, lips curved in luster, a shooting star from earth, zooming past her future.. A bright vision in the sky..
Where she shall shine forever- the apple of everyone's eye lost in the past..

We are celebrating Gauri-Ganapati in Maharashtra at this point of time. And while I was visiting my granny to invite her for the haldi-kumkum (wiki: Haldi Kumkum, or the Haldi Kumkum ceremony, is a social gathering in India in which married women exchange haldi (turmeric) and kumkum (vermilion powder), as a symbol of their married status and wishing for their husbands' long lives) which takes place at every house where gauri-puja is performed, I had a revelation, which is also a question to all these generations celebrating this festival and the rest.

Lets start with what is gauri puja?
A google search says: "Gauri Puja - worship of Gauri - begins on the 11th day of the bright half of the Hindu month of Ashadha (June-July). It is believed that Goddess Parvati got Lord Shiva as her husband after performing the ritual of this worship and they lived happily ever after.
In fact it is the combination of two festivals. Gouri-Ganesha Chathurthi. Mainly the ceremony of birth of Ganesha. The previous day will be celebrated as the Gouri pooja. She is the mother of Ganesha.
The bride worships the Goddess Gauri by performing Gauri Pooja. The Goddess Gauri is highly revered as it is believed that she is a manifestation of Shakti, the mother of the universe and the power and energy by which God creates, preserves and destroys the world. She symbolises motherhood, fertility and the victory of good over evil. "

After this pooja is performed, all the married women visit each other and exchange haldi-kumkum. So while discussing about the puja, we also talked about inviting an aunt who is a widow. Since the ceremony is only for married women whose husbands are still alive, in earlier times, including all the other atrocities against widows, they were not invited even to celebrate such festivals. But now since times have changed they too are happily welcomed to be a part of festivities.

Now my question is people since olden times believed that the soul is immortal. So even when a man dies his soul should be alive, is alive. The marriage is said to be for seven births or even more, for ever. So it means that once married, how does the birth or death of the body matter? Aren't the souls married? And if so why would any woman be a widow or a man a widower?
So why are the widows treated so, if their husbands are still alive and exist in the universe? And if not then why believe in the holy union of marriage? Why get married if we do not believe in what it has to say? Why do birth and death make us do away with our beliefs then?

I may be ignorant about the other facts of these things. My doubts may even be childish musings. But why does the society and religions contradict their own beliefs?

There is much more to this question and many doubts are still being formed, but I had to put this forth. All views are welcome.. Please put forth your perspectives!

These are the thoughts which come to my stomach when its on the way home from office in the evening.. It growls and pleads to no avail and then sends the demands to the empty brain.. and I can do nothing but write it out and imagine..
Shrikhandachya golya, Masaledar chicken or butter chicken, butter nan, pizza hut cha pizza, pasta, palak soup, bread pudding (good luck), fresh gulab jamun (Manju kaku), Custard pudding (Mom), Rice and chocolate pudding (Mcleodganj), egg biryani (P.D.), caramel pudding (Hotel Pride), Harabhara Kebab (New yorker's), Red wine- Chantilli Shiraz (11 East street cafe), Kanda bhaji (Sinhagad), Puran poli (Mom), Amti bhat, varan bhat tup loncha, tandoori chicken, paneer tikka, cherries, strawberries, gul poli (Samartha), fish fry surmai, corn in white sauce (Gautam mama), Cheese carrot balls (Sonal), bhel (Kalpana), pani puri, SPDP, Cheese chilli toast, Chakli (Sahil) dipped in tea, bread butter...

And the list goes on till the brain can bear no more.. and the stomach gives up, moaning under the weigth of imagination.. The brain takes on the task of writing so as to ignore the weak signals it keeps receiving.. Until the home turf is in view.. hehe.. ;-)

Minuscule drops of water visiting the earth, splatter on the glass of the bus window..
Small circles in the sky turn into lost lines on the glassy earth,
Creating a mesh of fresh cold liquid, making me see the world though a watery lens..
Drops of water sit on my woolen jacket and form a cozy round cocoon around themselves,
Looking like diamonds studded in an undiscovered coal mine, or a beautiful lady's long dark mane..
Shining brightly and making me smile..
Some fall of the glass and some on the jacket,
Each carrying its on place and its own wisdom with it, within :-)

I like it.. The morning blues.. When I get up and then feel like sleeping again in the comfort of my warm cozy bed. Body pleading to do so, eyes supporting it fully and yet I make it get on. Everytime I come out of the bath having ten minutes extra on hand. The limping walk down the road, hoping for the wound to heal faster. The kinda cute known stranger at the stop. The first awkward smile :-) (was weird. timing!!). The air making its presence felt on my face.. Hair dancing to its tune and eyes close to take it all into my being. "It takes me higher, makes me fly" (Lift- Poets of the fall). I feel no need to protect myself against it like the others do. The hair, the skin, the eyes, none of it.. The pollution finds it place in my hair, unseen yet very much there. Studded invisible gems which will be washed off one friday morning, and the new ones will have a fresh place come monday!

The mom, the dad, later the bosses and the employees.. everyone going about their daily chores.
The vibrations of the bus,
The window pane which slides of its own accord, responding to the brakes.
The occassional smile appearing on my face.. I like it all :-)
The flyovers and the breakfast joints.
The traffic signals and the wise driver-chacha..
The emptiness of the mind, anticipating what awaits it today..
Not in the least worried or bothered,
Living in the present- in the blowing hair and ticklish face, in the sound of the bus and the sight of the passing vehicles.. So many of them!
Anyone like me in there, out there?
Early morning blues?? I like blue.. :-)