The Soulful Atom

Unwanting, Un-seeing, Un-hearing, Un-feeling..
And yet.. The throat clenches, squeezing out the salt..
Rubbing it all over again, etching it over the decayed wounds, bringing them back to life..

Unwanting, Un-seeing, Un-hearing, Un-feeling..
And yet..The tendons scream in revolt, the cells refuse to breathe..
Crushed beneath the painful shrieks of the corpse living outside the dynamic soul..

Unwanting, Un-seeing, Un-hearing, Un-feeling..
Any yet.. The brain twists and turns, vomiting colors of black and grey..
Piercing the porous walls of the heart, oozing the liquid warmth, only to evaporate cold and frozen..

Unwanting, Un-seeing, Un-hearing, Un-feeling..
And yet.. The being is surrounded by the desperate desire to un-be..
To let go, to break free, to hold on tight..
Any yet.. It stays.. forever.. wanting, seeing, hearing, feeling..

Your eyes have a twinkle in them,
mine yearn for your silhouette among the crowd..
Your touch makes the butterflies alive, n your breath elevates them and your thoughts keep them with me when you are gone..
I know not the reason for these words, unformed and entangled, yet wanting to burst out for you..
The feelings are still unknown, and i wish not to name them now..
Waiting for you to say something, do you feel the same too?
Or is it just me yet again?
But it has to be you.. This time it is you, its the way you make me feel..
What magic is it that you weave? Though it is no magic..!!
What is it that you make me feel?
I want no answers, these question are sweeter and the confusion seems dearer than any answer I ever yearned for..
You smile at me and the red sears through my cheeks..
You smile at this again and my eyes shine forgetting the world around me..
What is it that you do to me?
You make me realize the uselessness of words,
You make me realize how eyes talk, and help souls understand each other so well..
You make me realize who I am, you help me be me..
Hold my hand and help me see through..
Let my heart feels yours beat,
Just stay.. stay.. Help me answer questions that need to be answered, though neither wishes the answers to be said aloud, though we know what it is leading to and though it is the journey that we wish to make..
Just stay.. and tell me:
Is it just me again? Or is it you too? :)

Ever wondered about the various feelings which go hand in hand?
Like Hatred and anger..
Curiosity and fear..
Love and pain..
Protectiveness and ferocity..
Desire and recklessness..
So many combinations.. All go well with each other and mostly always arise hand in hand..
A couple that keeps visiting me frequently is hope and impatience..
A hope that things will get better and the impatience for them to get right sooner!

Sometimes i wonder if it is unnatural.. But then who is to decide what is natural?
Isn't natural something that sprouts from within with no conscious efforts to make it happen that way? So when something happens which is does not normally happen, we call it unnatural..
Why so? We can call it un-normal maybe.. But why unnatural? I feel most of the things which are not consciously induced or done are perfectly natural..

So this extreme hope which doesn't seem to leave me alone for long.. And the impatience that accompanies it, drives me crazy at times.. Because they just apear out of nowhere and demand to be accommodated and served!! But i'm left disturbed by the fact that i do not have the means to do so.. I do not know what kind of behavior is expected by them!!

There must be many such un-normal combinations which keep sprouting within us which maybe we tend to call confusion. Then we tend to get scared of them and break them apart and strengthen one of them.. But this choosing part leaves us tired and breaks us too.. So why call it unnatural when it is not? Why get scared of it if its new? Why not just try to understand and live it? :)

Well im living this combination since a long time.. And its doesn't seem too bad.. Its exciting if nothing else... And helps me in the quest of finding what it really is, and why i feel it.. :)

My tea's grown cold
My eye's all sore
My heart churns out a mournful tune
I feel all alone but yet not lonely,
Cause somewhere in the corner of my heart, I know you still are there..
When will my sun shine on me again?
Can you please wipe the clouds of tears away?
Its the new year after all and everyone deserves another chance!
My words may sound empty
My face may tell you a lie
My eyes shall sparkle with you smile etched on them
You believed my fake words and I fail to understand how
Do you know naught of my love and do you know naught of my hurt?
I let go of the light now, but it still resides in my heart,
I put a blanket over it to keep it warm till my sun comes out again..
The end is near and so is the new beginning..
I shall pray that my sun will shine soon, wouldn't you?


HAPPY NEW YEAR!! :)

- Prachi

(Personally i don't like this one much, not exactly how i wanted it to come out.. but nonetheless..)

Along came a spider, and wove his web around me,
I accepted it with all the greed i could gather.
Gently he serenaded me with his pincers..
The deadly weapons feel like soft feathers,
He wove the web and i was mesmerized..
He Cuddles n cares.. and is always there.
Is this a home where i feel so safe and so loved?
Or is this just a trap full of illusions, as it has been before?
Why cannot i see through things? or are things really as they seem from outside?
Along came a spider, and showed me real dreams..
He helps me know the difference between the two.. keeps me anchored and keeps me to himself, though unknowingly..
Emotions raging a fiasco, not knowing where to go and what to feel..
Though my spider appears to be stable, his clear eyes showing the way,
the misty feeling can be sensed even from beneath so many cloaks..
I feel lost and yet I'm sure.. Words fail me, as a plethora of emotions choke them!
Is this web the home he built for me? or is it god's trap yet again?
I feel safe n i feel loved, everything a bait could ask for..
so i shall stay put and wait for my spider to come back to me!
Along came a spider, and took my world by a storm..
Along came a spider, and wiped off all my past..
Along came a spider, and swept me off my feet, without intending to..
Along came a spider, i hope he stays back! :)

Broken and bruised..
I try to find myself in the girl who looks at me through the mirror..
Who is this known stranger, who glares at me and demands unknown answers?
With no spark in her eyes.. With no life..
Who snatched it away from her? Or was it she who threw it away?
In the hope to find solace, she made a pact with the devil himself..
Who is this girl staring at me?
And where is the carefree pure soul I'd once known to look at me and smile without any burdens?
Need to free the soul lying in a dark corner, from all the dark dirty shadows of the flimsy mis-leading world..
If only you would give me your hand. and tell me you would be there forever..
I would let go.. And I would hold on..
Tired of the changing identities.. Tired of the whole wide world..
Tired of the illusions of friendship.. Tired of the fake relations..
Tired of the pretexts to lure me in a trap.. to be a prey of the desires which would burn me down to ashes which scream out in pain..
For the un-erasable wounds on the soul..
For the unbelievable illusions of everything..
Please take me away from here..
You are the only bright light on the dark canvas of my life..
You are the golden drops on the dark threads of my dreaded nightmares..
Please take me away from this murky world.. Cover me in the tender sheets of your everlasting love..
Take me away.. Heal me.. Heal my wounds unseen, un-known, un-tended, un-cared for..
Take me with you, wherever you go, engulf me in yourself..
Cover me, and protect me from the big bad world.. help me find myself..
Help me re-ignite the spark.. Help me be me..
Find me my lost identity.. would you?

Can I be your firefly and brighten-up your world like u light up mine with a single smile? Would you like to take my hand and gather the colors which even the rainbow doesn’t have? Cause I will follow you wherever u lead me. I shall be your firefly whenever the dark clouds try to cover your smile. I shall always hold on. Would you like this firefly to be yours, if I promise my light won’t go off at the end of the night?

-Pseudo