The Soulful Atom

On my way to college this morning, trying hard to dodge the meandering un-caring inhabitants of Upper-indira nagar, a little girl of 5 or 6 crossed the road and i was well away from her. The route was deserted for a minute piece of a minute, (a very rare phenomenon considering the kind of creatures that inhibit the area), and i ceased the chance to speed up a bit to gain yardage. And as i did that, i noticed there was a small boy with here, the same age presumably. He too was trying to cross the road close behind her. But due to my intervention, he was unable to do this! I felt sad but thought he would cross it after i passed, but unfortunately a load of vehicles followed me. I saw these emotions flash through his eyes in a jiffy. Fear, tension, longing, amazement, embarassement.. All these while he grasped the incident that just happened. She was with him till they left feom home to go to school, and suddenly at one moment she went ahead and crossed the road, she walked away and didn't even look back to check if he was there. Perhaps she had no doubt that he would follow or he would always be there.
This incident made me think about two things..

Firstly, Knowingly or unknowingly we are catalyst in so many things happening around us in the world. Like what happened with those kids on the road back there. (I hope he managed to cross the road, and that they both reached their destination together :)) We are carrying on our work and daily routine activities, but rarely do we stop and try to see what effect our banal actions have on our surroundings. Leave alone the strangers, we do not even wait for a moment and think of what our words do to people who are close to us, who supposedly mean a lot to us. We just take things for granted. We act as if we are the only person in the world who feels things, who has emotions. (Atleast i tend to do that at times). And in turn we suffer because the people we love suffer! It just takes a moment to stop and look back at life or at the moments gone past. Take a second to tell the people you love, that you love them. Take a minute to look at how our actions are affecting the environment. How our daily routine cause a hurdle to others.. at times.. It may not seem like a big deal to us.. but it does affect them in a big way.

Secondly, About relationships. Both the things are connected. and this might be a corollary to the first realisation. Like the girl on the road didn't even realise that the boy had not followed her. Many times we fail to realise that some people have not folllowed us for a while, because we take them for granted, we take life for granted. Many times it is because of external un-avoidable reasons that the are not with us (here the factor was me). But many times it happnens that we fail to know that we are causing them pain. Many times we do not even realise when they've gone n came back. Cause we are too busy to see, to stop, to watch, to know and to understand..

It was so strange to watch both of them on the road. It was as if we three were the only people there. They were a girl and boy together and me- the catalyst who had a small part to play in their story. We all have a part in everyone's story. However negligible. Watching our actions is necessary.. Having consideration for others, for all the people who give us a part in their story on this earth. I feel bad that I did not wait for a moment and let the boy pass too.. Had i been vigilent, I would've seen him before i sped up. But i was in my own world, surrounded by my own worries.. So is everyone of us.. But we should try to be alert and make sure we are catalyst for more good things than bad in other people's life. I always did but now I'm going to try to strive more to not be a routine hurdle.. :) I hope the girl and boy are together now.. God Bless!

There is a plethora of thoughts, a sulprus of emotions. A few match a few do not. So many people, so many friends, so many relatives. Why does it become a pain in the wrong place when a few do not match? Why do people come close stay for a while when they are actually meant to go away. Why do we crave for the things which we were running away from, when its not there any more? Why is there the restlessness, when you understand you don't really want to possess it but you do want it? Why do you get attached? Why do people come in your life and then storm out of it as if nothing happened? Confusion prevail as always but so does clarity! Questions arise with answers, but no peace. Why do people change and why are emtions fickle. I shall change too, I do. I shall change now, they way i want and not the way time wants me to. I shall be constant, i shall strive hard. Indifference begs to crawl in, but it shall not be allowed in. This disturbed dawn shall remind me of it everytime. This lost friend will be back, from the ruins of my past and the threads of this disturbed dawn..

Red socks
Orange candy
Salty water from eyes
An old note passed in class
Helplessness
Insect-s on screen
White fluffly rabit like chappals
Ear phones
Gulab-jamun
Long black hair
Maroon t-shirt
A long forgotten fragrance
Slides in parks
SMS
Late night calls
First kiss
Long holidays which end too soon ;)
Google-talk
Maggie
6AM- getting ready for school
Itchy sand in shoes
A long lost friend
Box of souvenirs
French and Marathi songs
Mom's cuddling :)
Diwali morning
Fresh flowers
Home-baked cake!!
Long painted clean nails which stand the test of roughness
Christmas Carols
Rugby training
Sore muscles
Lonliness
Christmas eve
Deep dark eyes
Butterflies in stomach
Shendi ;)
Mood-i
Lover's warm pullover
First rain
Black
Transparent basin
Red sand
Smell of new furniture and paint
Radium shapes
Garfield!
Reliance
PIFF 2007
DOGS
love..
Mirror?
Planes and pilots
Himachal
80kmph
Mahableshwar
Daily horoscope- pune times
Pulsar..
Loss
Pocket money
Marksheets
CBZ
Broken hearts :(
Caramel pudding :D
Best friend-s
PJ
Pra
Bug
Chichi
Bandu
Sukanya
Pseudo
Don
HAHAHA
Coffee
Pearls before Swine!! :D :D :D
Diamonds
Joymail
Trust
Princess
Oysters
Old monk
Harry potter
Classic milds
Table-tennis, Karate, Katthak
Prayer
Caterpillars and butterflies
Long distances :(
Betrayal
Tea
Forgivance
Empty afternoon streets
Cycle rides and skinned sore knees
Cute strangers ;)
Stolen memories
Dressing up (!)
Beer!
Staring at the ceiling
Jogging
Peace
Water
Sleep
"Start" button
Baldness :D
Wind
Winter
Soft sweaters
Jokes
Hangovers
Random?

Feeling like a puppet..
At the hands of the heart,
At the hands of all the people known, all the souls past..
Emotions which are either riding a roller-coaster or are playing deaf and dumb underwater..
With past memories floating through the ears and making their presence felt of the blank curtains of the eyes..
The heart churns out forgiveness but the defaulters couldn't care less..
All the color and light around helps not the darkness gulping the heart..
Faces dear yesterday blankly ignore your eye today..
Making them fill with tears and reminding you of all your fears..
Wishing for a saviour.. Waiting, hoping against hope..
Losing the challenge with life, who conspires with destiny,
Like a juvenile naive fool striding across all the known frontiers again and again..
Learning the lessons yet not learning from them..
Tears abound and yet eyes remain dry,
The soul cries out, helpless as always, but the ears are all deaf and dead..
No eyes can see the signs, no skin can feel the pain, No heart can sense the agony..
Other than the one that suffers..
Glassy, stoney, empty, hard and cold..
Reaching out doesn't help..
Hope plays the same role as ever- it lies, it fakes and it cons, it betrays and it weaves new dreams again..
It ensnares and it enchants.. and it captures the prey forever..
It makes you forgive, it makes you love, it makes you go back and it makes you bare all..
It makes you naked with all your masks down..
It helps you live the way you really are..
A puppet... At the hands of the things you really want..
A puppet at the hands of hope..
Is there a way out? Somewhere? A way out of hope??
It hurts..
Bad.
-A puppet

The coldness of the rain water and the warmth of the sun..
The light and the dark, together they make beauty..
Un-expected, Un-timely rain..
Showers of hope intertwined with beauty and laced with fear of the unknown and unseen tomorrow..
Would it be soon as i feel it would?
The worse had arrived and it faded into the past..
The better is still un-arrived to pass..
Foggy silhouettes in the distant..
The rain and the sun make unknown love, un-experienced by any living being.. Showering all with their beauty.. Which they fail to appreciate.. fail to soak in, absorb..
Lost as always, yet knowingly this time.. The search never ends and so doesn't the journey..
Water and heat accompany me.. albeit at strange times and mostly never at the right one.. leading me to where I need to go..
Fear of the next moment and the wait for beauty persist.. Breaking free of the former i continue search for the later, waiting for the veil to be raised..
Waiting for the scare to be washed off, for the fear to be evaporated..
Would it happen soon? As this seemingly innocent phenomenon of the water and heat tells me it would..
They never spoke to me so positively..
However, this time, before opening their words, i knew what it is..
Hoping i'm correct this time too and so are they..
Hoping for the beauty of love and hoping for the fear to be destroyed.. Beauty Love Fear Hope.. or shall we go Hope Fear Love Beauty?? :-)

Struggling with a blunted twang from the past.. A wild bout of rain helped me squeeze into the present, with its shooting noisy rage and passion for meeting the earth. As if she found out he betrayed her and wants to make it up to her..
The cold freshness filled the air with feelings and emotions once long forgotten.. the sensations felt aeons ago in some other lifetime.. sounds and scenes unseen.. Yet the feelings linger.. What feelings are these, when were they felt, with whom and by whom?
The heavy drops of water make me light.. Make me nostalgic.. Take me away to a special place, somewhere long lost to the treacherous, bitter past.. Make me remember something long forgotten.. lost in the threads of time.. something beautiful and full of hurt.. yet i want to remember what it was.. what have i forgotten.. What had touched my heart so deeply and still i tore it away from me???
Why do i fail to remember? The sudden gush of cold wind.. The cool breeze caressing my open hair.. and my tired neck.. The sound of drops falling from leaves on the tin roof.. The chatter of friends, the music pumping from cell phones.. Everything reminds me of it.. But what is it, thats unknown.. All this has never happened before and yet it reminds me of something.. Which i treasured and held close to my heart, my each heartbeat reminds me of it thanks to this weather! Thanks to this time and this place and my being here..
I try to let go, but the feeling clings and it is so lovely.. I've forgotten it cause i wanted to.. I let it go and so I have it no more.. The unseen memory feels like heaven so what must the real thing have been?? Why did i lose it, and why can i not let go now.. Why do we remember things long forgotten, why do we rise the ghosts from their dusty graves and how can these rotten memories be so beautiful and how can this not hurt one bit? How can it soothe me and not make me restless? How can i be at peace in such a situation? How, What, When, Where and Who??

A fable set once upon a time long long back in the future..
She was a mixed fruit jam of tangled and sorted angles, whom everyone admired..
But no one could handle so many tastes in one go,
They all had stomach for only one kind of flavor and so everyone said that the one who will, will be the luckiest guy on earth..
Slowly each one of them got their own, but only after having their small share from her infinite basket of mixed fruits.. Since they didn't have the stomach but indeed had a lusty greedy tongue.
They all cuddled together living the lives of their ancestors,
Living their past every passing moment..
She thought it was nice initially but started realizing that the past isn't for her..
So she broke free from the warm cozy circle and rushed past all..
Passionate fire in heart, eyes lit in rapture, lips curved in luster, a shooting star from earth, zooming past her future.. A bright vision in the sky..
Where she shall shine forever- the apple of everyone's eye lost in the past..