The Soulful Atom

That's the word which describes my situation perfectly. Its as if someone took my heart out and beat it up to a pulp, but not killing it just leaving enough life to feel the pain. But not so much as to get my head around it and think of healing. But just enough to keep feeling battered. Don't know if it will heal and if it does how long it will take.. Don't know how long i've to keep laying here unable to make a move. Caught, trapped in my own self. Why do i need to be the better person? I want to be equally bad, i want to avenge myself. But i cannot. Because i am the better person. And when you are this way you have no choice but to be trampled upon by your own good. This is when your goodness backfires. When you feel helpless caught in scissors. When all you want to do is break-free to let go and never look back, but you can't. You wait for a savior but you don't know if you will let them save you cause your current plight is cause of someone you thought to be a savior and turned out to be a demon in disguise. What do you do? You have to save yourself. But there is a long wait before you can do that. In the mean time you just lie there waiting, bleeding out. As you lie there time ticking by, a feeble thought crosses your mind- maybe its the poison bleeding out. You black out, one of the many, due to a sudden ray of hope. But it doesn't last long and the predator comes back. You steel yourself again him, but the monster of lies, memories, devastation is not to be defeated. Not yet. The blows keep coming, stopping just short of taking your life. You think everything inside you is dead now, but hope that maybe somewhere the real you is still alive. That you was strong, to overcome any attacks. You just hope and pray that by being the better person, the pain will subside.