The Soulful Atom

So last few weeks have been extremely busy. With what the exams, interviews, trying to make most of the one week holiday (which sadly didn't quite work out), joining the new office, shifting, fights with closest of friends ad trying to hang on to sanity..

Like they says everything is not perfect at any given moment of time (and as i say it would cease to exist if its fair to everyone every time).. If one thing works of great the other thing is bound to be messed up. I guess it also depends on how involved you are in those things.. As a certain friend has been telling me lately, I guess i've started believing that you should maintain a certain sort of distance from anything and everything. Though it seem to be as remotely possible as a dog not peeing on a stationary vehicle nearby, atleast in my case.. but its worth a thought, based on past experiences, when i've been busy enough to ignore a few things, which if had been given attention to would've turned nasty as they turned now..

This time too i tried to patch things up by myself. with a some sane advice from a friend who is much more matured and sane than i could ever be considering my emotional attachment to even the smallest of souvenirs. So this friend, who can be comfortably detached from things doing which is a herculean task for me, feels like this person i can go to when im pretty unsure bout things. Its like someone who has seen more life than me, otherwise most of the friends are same age, and there is always a difference in the way you look at life and situations when you are at different stages in life and seen lot of different things..

Guess I've come to the point in life where i have to let go, or at the least try and learn to let go of things and people i've never seen the light of day without.. I just wonder if i will be able to draw and maintain the line, when all my life i've been so involved in and deeply attached to everything i ever did or anyone i ever met. I never cared for any limits cause all i cared for was how i could make a good difference to the person in my life and lines don't help you help others, much the other way. I did give them the power to hurt me, and treat me the way they liked.. Did i de-grade myself while then? I don't think so, cause everything i did was with a pure heart. I never thought they would do things on purpose, I'm sure they did not, maybe i was not aware of where to draw the line. I gave too much of myself and never thought twice, and now maybe i've realized that you cannot be giving that way. I realized I'm no saint, which they need to realize or maybe i need to make sure they do. One can't keep waiting for people to realize that you need and want something and what you want, its a small life so go get what you want yourself, like you pick things up in a mall. There are tons of people there with heaps of needs, the attendants cannot cater to everyone, due to sheer physical limitation. Maybe they too want to help but just can't.

So the time has come to turn the page.. Not really as much but as is needed.. I still hold on to bits and parts.. Hope i can break free of the baggage..