The Soulful Atom

A fairly feeble attempt at story writing. Inspired from my own life of course. ;) I need a lot of improvement in this form of writing. So all suggestions, criticism are welcome!


It was a lonely train platform on a dark wet rainy night.. The angry intense wind had toned down to a gentle cool breeze, basking in the after glow of the crazy love making all evening.. The tea boy carrying his tin container turned towards me after the last train left.. "One last tea Saheb before i retire for the day?", "I will stay if u want me to though my family will understand.." He adds with a sly grin. With a small smile i gesture him to sit, he makes to sit on the ground but i ask him to sit besides me on the wet bench. I didn't believe in such differentiation. And after all there was not much difference between me n him.. In fact he was much better off.. Happy.. Doing what he wanted.. A family who "understood".. I wondered since when that had become a privilege?! But the answer eluded me.. Like it always had..
The boy sensed something n tried to distract me by pouring tea as noisily as possible in the plastic cup.. I gazed at him as he looked into the distance as far as the rail track took him.. He was happy, i could sense that.. Satisfied atleast..
Then he looked at me.. "Its not about what you have in life right now or what you want or deserve.. its about what you are willing to have.. What you are allowing yourself to have.." His eyes twinkled as yet another toothy smile appeared there.. The warmth of the tea reached out at the same time from the plastic cup.. Making me jump and him laugh.. I grinned back.. After as if an eternity it felt nice on my face, a genuine happy smile.. And then there was silence.... This silence didn't feel labored, tortured like all the silences after all those arguments, after those evil headache from feeling incapable of making any human understand.. Those pained forceful silences with the woman who loved him.. This silence was empowering.. He had done what he had to.. But he had not allow himself to accept it till now.. To accept himself.. Thinking he was evil.. Thinking he didn't deserve it.. But this little kid, in the wisdom all of 12 years made him see the light.. The sullen depression and weight of an answer lightened and then disappeared completely.. For he had accepted himself and his own happiness.. He couldn't wait for the journey to begin.. The same one which he was dreading even when all signs were there.. The rain the biggest of them all.. People cursed it.. Right in the middle of February.. He had chosen to ignore it.. After all those years of relentless efforts the day was finally there and now he knew..
The boy had dozed off, curled up besides him like a big cat.. He had indeed stayed back! I pushed a 50 rupee note gently in his pocket just as a light ting of dawn was visible beyond the horizon.. It was time.. She was waiting.. Like she said she was going to.. And he was ready.. Forgiven, accepted, unbound, understood.. The boy woke with the first drops of drizzle of the day.. As the train approached in all her glory smoke and horn n all.. One last thought crossed my smiling heart.. The healing remained but there was time.. This healing had to happen together.. The boy smiled as be waved a groggy eyed goodbye as I looked at him from the door.. I thanked him.. "Believe saheb.. Believe!!".. And we rushed away into the waiting morning. I never saw the boy again.. We came to the station once years later but he wasn't around.. I asked the station master as a last ditch attempt and got to know he left on a train one day and came back only to take his family along, they were never seen again.. So there was a family and they did understand. Then he took out a fairly battered note and handed it to me.. It said "Believe saheb.. Thank you for making me believe.." The station master smiled too..