The Soulful Atom

A friend's recent status update on Facebook (have to mention the source) was "is it necessary to get a heart break to realise what is love???????"

Which made wonder if is it really a heart break which makes us realise what love is..
And the answer i found was no. I guess what a heart break does is just make us understand our capacity to love. Many times when people go through a heart break say either of the following things:
1) Why ME!! ALWAYS!! :(
2) He/she was a bitch / a*sehole
3) Now im never gonna love again
4) I'll show all these gals/guys what i am! (n start of ruining other people's life)

And the likes.

There are also some people who would be hurt, for a few days shall remain in the stupor, but later they will move on and love someone else maybe not with the same intensity but nonetheless truly..

Some people would completely move on and fall in love all over again with someone new..

But some rare few people, would continue loving the same person, no matter what..
Irrespective of all the hurt their "love" has inflicted..
They would continue loving them with all they have forever, they would refuse to get involved with anyone else, saying they can't.. And they would truly love.. The same person, who never looks back even once, in hope that they would return.. Some times not even hoping for anything!!

So, I believe, a heart break only helps you realise the capacity you have to love..
Well thats all i could think of! :)

[Again not exactly the way i wanted it to come out :-(]

I'm the master of the game now..
I shall pull the strings henceforth..
Wait and watch, for all the pain that you inflicted on me..
This shall be my sweet vengeance, and you wouldn't even notice!

You ignored my pleas,
I stumbled behind you as you chased your goals..
I prayed for you..
And you brutally crushed my dreams not to look back even once!

I promised you the sky and all the stars that it holds..
but yours was a different color..

Running through all the wilderness of the bright lights..
You found your calling,
And one fine day you re-surfaced..

I derive monstrous pleasure knowing you still anchor there where you left me to the winds..
Knowing I have my satisfaction
while you do not..

You made me the way I've become now,
You sucked out the innocence,
You drained it all out of me,
And now you come back for more..

You disgust me with your expectation..
You tire me with you worthless talk..
I care no more, can't you see?
But i still do somewhere maybe..
For I can never be you..

But I will control the game henceforth..
And you shall be my puppet..
You wouldn't even know,
When you submit yourself..
And then I shall have the last laugh..

I'm the master now.. and you shall be my slave..


-The Super Bitch

The moment when..
Your eyes met mine,
Our hearts beat faster,
The minds stopped working,
Colors were just a blur,
And the light burst out and then was no more,
No sight, no sound, no smell, no feeling, no taste..
Just the knowledge of us being there.
That one moment when..
Our lives became united,
That one moment..
Which changed me for all the times to come..
I thought this was it..
And then there were a few more..
One moment it takes to touch a heart, the way you touched mine..
One moment it takes to destroy it too..
One moment we were inseparable..
And then strangers for life..
One moment..

[This one is for a friend. The rest is all right there, read on. I wonder if we shall ever know]

I think I dreamed of you..
I'm hoping it was you..
Someone I'd known a while ago,
Or I thought i did too..

The way every crevice of my corpse came alive at your sight..
And filled up with intoxicating light..
Was it really a dream where I saw you?
I think I dreamed of you..
Last night, or may be it was a while ago..

Did I lose you in the misty glow of my closed eyes?
Or were you never there?
You seem so sure, so stable and solid..
You smile away at me..
My heart plummeting lower with every step you take,
and the insane hope keeps soaring higher..
You come close and you hold me as i let you..
And your mouth helps me taste you..
You are so there and yet so un-true..
I think I dreamed of you..
I think quite some time ago..
Or was it last night?

You are there I know, but you shall never be mine..
We both remain unaware of our meaning in each others life..
But we know the other exists..
Mortality has made us grow apart, Would death do otherwise?

Will you help me uncomplicate this mystery or shall we let it be?
Should we continue with our same old stories,
Or shall we find the root?

I didn't know you then..
And i know you not now too..
But I think I did dream of you..
I still do dream of you.. :)

The early mornings, the hasty dressing up, the hum on the lips of the songs drumming in the ears, the eagerness to reach college, to see all the dear ones, the comrades, the friends..
The guiltless bunking of lectures, Nescafe hangout, greasy dull canteen food, the endless chattered, the lively laughter, the incessant jokes and pulling of legs, the scant tears and shining smiles..
And then suddenly one day everything turns upside down..
Trust is burnt inside out..
Insincerity and insensitivity flourishes ripely in every glance..
Ungratefulness oozes out of laughs and taunt glares..
Truth loses it meaning, humbleness evaporates in the heat of the humiliation..
The sweat and toil gone in trying to mold the heaps of mud was all distrusted,
Ungrateful little brats pushed it away while still nurturing children of my brain and imagination..
How will they know how to bring up the babies whom they have not borne?
And so the mistakes.. Grave ones.. For all to see and sneer at!
They shall not even notice, a crooked nose, a broken knuckle, a twisted hair strand..
They shall not care.. But i do. I still do..
They children now have no one to admire them.. And this is my vengeance..
A cold one.. A hurtful one.. But I am content..
Every time someone tells me about the mistakes they noticed..
The mistakes which these shameless cruel beings made while ignoring my authority.. While they were being know-it-all's, when all they had was ideas stolen from the womb of my brain..
Which they will take the credit for, something I never lusted for..
But the mistakes, its the mistakes and my knowledge which was left un-used that hurts..
I resembles the the hurt of a man when he can't relieve his manhood after being aroused by the love of his life..
It hurts when you have so much to offer and people are blind to it. Blinded cause they see the hardships too!
Blinded because they do not want to suffer while they learn..
Blinded by laziness to think to be different, to not get carried away by a fake breeze or a mirage in the dessert..
Its hurts.
But the feeling of vengeance has emerged and it is on its way to be completed..
I will know and so will the people who have enough power to understand the graveness of the actions of those imbeciles..
They however do not have the brain power or the desire to learn and so all they shall get is my pity.. I warn you all against such incompetent people.. Do ask and i shall tell.. Even if it burdens my heart to think of their deeds.. I shall talk, cause the world deserves better people and good hearts..

I'm the brute and I'm the angel..
I'm the mother and the lover..

I'm the blazing life-give sunshine, Tinkling on your shiny eyes..
And I'm the carnivorous parasitic moss, Eating away at your core and bless it with more..

I'm the love you hunt for all your life..
I'm the hate you shelter deep in your heart..

I'm the hunger that your words serenade..
And I'm the thirst that your blood splashes..

I reside within you..
I thrive without you..

I'm the moment you live..
I'm the instant you cease..

I'm the delicacies you consume..
I'm the waste you excrete..

I like you in your blue..
and I like you in your gay..

I wriggle around in your helpless soul..
I stagnate in your being..

I stay forever..
and I never exist..

Too much and too less..

I'm your addiction..
I'm your aversion..

You crave me and you can't bear me..

I possess you,
I dance to your tune..

I'm your shadow,
I'm your thought,
I'm your interior and your exterior,
I'm your owner and your slave,
I render you unfinished and I complete you..
I feel you, I abuse you, I entertain you, I anger you, I delude you, I cajole you..
I'm me and..
I'm you.

Unwanting, Un-seeing, Un-hearing, Un-feeling..
And yet.. The throat clenches, squeezing out the salt..
Rubbing it all over again, etching it over the decayed wounds, bringing them back to life..

Unwanting, Un-seeing, Un-hearing, Un-feeling..
And yet..The tendons scream in revolt, the cells refuse to breathe..
Crushed beneath the painful shrieks of the corpse living outside the dynamic soul..

Unwanting, Un-seeing, Un-hearing, Un-feeling..
Any yet.. The brain twists and turns, vomiting colors of black and grey..
Piercing the porous walls of the heart, oozing the liquid warmth, only to evaporate cold and frozen..

Unwanting, Un-seeing, Un-hearing, Un-feeling..
And yet.. The being is surrounded by the desperate desire to un-be..
To let go, to break free, to hold on tight..
Any yet.. It stays.. forever.. wanting, seeing, hearing, feeling..