The Soulful Atom

Realizing the thin gap between my recent posts and the fact that there's too much going on, on the inside.. I thought I would give my words a rest for sometime.. But apparently they don't want to rest...

I find myself engulfed by this strange emptiness, though there is so much going on.. There is this whirlpool of emotions and thoughts waging a war on my capacity to be calm, which already is very weak.. An still I find myself empty suddenly..

Maybe its the happening of a few things, or maybe the not happening of a certain expected things..
Even after so many instances of expectations not being fulfilled, after being hurt so many times by loved ones.. Why does the heart still not lose hope? Why does it raise his head every time the rain stops? Even though the sun hasn't come through.. Many times it has its head held high even when the rain is exhausting himself all over.. in and out..

Hope in this case acts as an adversary.. It is not healthy to be so hopeful.. It then makes you fall hard your face and laughs at you.. It toys around with you.. But then why? Why leave me with all this emptiness? And then these haunting questions.. Bringing back ghosts from the past.. Raising them from their shallow graves.. Would they ever rest in peace? Or are they even dead?

But this emptiness and silence.. The effort of trying to create diversions for the self.. When all the heart wants to do is continue marinating in this turmoil.. But then it is dangerous.. Cause try as i might, very rarely, the face cannot mask what the heart feels.. The eyes say it all.. Yes it is dangerous..

I wish this emptiness would go away.. And some things would get back the way they were.. Even if it means letting go of a newfound joy.. Which i know won't really happen.. But if thats the cost i've to pay, to help things back to normal, i think i will surely consider, against all hopes and desires....

Engulfed.. by emptiness and a thousand questions.. Which shall not surface but shall perhaps still be answered.. The hope again..
Engulfed...