The Soulful Atom

Was just looking at the dashboard and saw "91 posts".. And it struck me that I've actually written 91 posts in past 2 years.. (this June contributing to 14 of those till today, this being the 92nd 1). You must be wondering why so many posts since past few days (if at all you haven't still got bored!). Well the posts say it all.. But still for some of you who still get confused thanks to my entangled words..

There's lots happening.. Work is routine though picking up speed now (will be one month old in the new company soon).. Full weekdays and equally fuller weekends.. Spending time with friends (missing dear ones who are out of town :(), watching plays, time with family, dining out and rest.. All in all I'm busy and should not really have much time to let my mind fog with anything else.. However, the personal front is somewhat going through a lot of disruptions.. Mostly good ones.. At least the things don't seem or feel to be bad or negative.. It is something very new and pretty unusual for me too (considering I'm most likely to be involved in the most unusual things, as compared to the group of people surrounding me ever since, hence getting the nick name "weird", "mad" etc). So yes this is something relatively new and unusual for me. Where I'm absolutely not sure of what it is. Of what I'm to expect. This is very strange since almost every time something strange happens i know what is going to happen (refer to: surprised surprise). And so this has thrown me off guard and the falling, surprisingly, is even sweeter!! Maybe the spontaneity of it, the lack of understanding of where this comes from or where it is bound to go or where we want it to go.. I feel the fact that we are at a complete loss is something which makes it so special..

There are times (me being impatient) when i feel like just getting to the point and getting a direction or some understanding into the happenings, just confronting myself or the other person about whatever it is, thought i know the answers or the utter lack of answers. There are times when I feel irritated at the lack of clarity, at not having the tiniest of insight on something like this.. Most shocking is that I can't even decipher my own feelings and emotions or what i want.. There are all these never-ending Why's, What's, How's crowding my head to a point that i cannot think anymore and become as blank as ever (not that the thoughts are very helpful), even questions cease to form (answers don't exist anyway).. But then i let go and let things bloom at their own pace.. And that is the time i start living in the moment (as a dear friend has been constantly telling me to), and realize how easier it is to just let go of yourself, and feel your inhibitions melt, give-in to something so pure, natural, spontaneous, unplanned, unexpected, full of life and unexplained surprising comfort.. Theres more to it, but still unraveling the mystery of what it is. And that process itself is so heartening and lovely (though disruptive and irritating at times), that i doubt we would actually want to go to the root of it (which might then render it routine).. :)

So, i warn you to be prepared for more such confusing posts. Perhaps you could help me with some insights, that you may have.. Or just travel with me, as I try to understand myself and this new founded.. bliss? :) cheers!!